i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
