just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
