i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
