I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
