Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
