I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
