your room smells of hookers.
And success
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
