you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
