Can i not drive my cunt home
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isnโt a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, letโs be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." ๐ ๐๐ท
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize