The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
