YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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