I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
