I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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