I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
