I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
