I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
