WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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