you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
