She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
