'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
