Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
