Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
