i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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