Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
