yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
