Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
