Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
