Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
