You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
