i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
