i think my mom watched the whole time
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Floor bacon is actually really good
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
