Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
