Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
