The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need a burrito and a hug.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
