Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize