They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
