I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
They have beer where we have blood.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
