So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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