i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
not ubering you a puppy
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
