Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
