Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
