I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
