Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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