Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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