I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She told me I should be a condom model.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize