Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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