'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Operation Purity has been aborted
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
