So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
