you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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