I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
