some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize