I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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