under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
