just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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