I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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