It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
