....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
