She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
