these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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