Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
