"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
