Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
