sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
