he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
