I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
