How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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