I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
